“Self-Portrait As A Child Who Isn’t Yours”, “Months Spent In A Mirror” by Logan February

“Self-Portrait As A Child Who Isn’t Yours”, “Months Spent In A Mirror” by Logan February

Self-Portrait As A Child Who Isn’t Yours

In a dream I am eight days old and
my mother has not tasted salt since I was born.
There is a custom of looking at the house
before giving a name to the child.

My father is a rooted man, my mother,
made of water; my siblings little mud huts
looking at a baby they do not yet know
is an outsider. They pin a word to my body
that translates into

this is what God wanted to happen

and they are wrong in a way that is tragic.
I am the brother who is made of air –
they are cradling a homeless child.

I wake to a clenched fist asking
if my hand is a remedy
or a wither waiting to cascade

does my name translate to
{grief}     or    {abomination}

am I an antonym for what God wanted
to happen     am I the opposite of what

my family named me & am I the one
to blame       for their unknowing

When I say I am not
a citizen of dreams,
what I mean is:

the only other dream I have is the one
in which my mother now calls me
that dreadful boy.

Months Spent In A Mirror

some people are
more haunted    than doves
wearing pale feathers

how do you lie
in the embrace of wisteria
looking at   despair
calling it     peace

as the pilgrims arrive in
boxes of bubble wrap
to search for something
inside of you    that is absent

the way back to your motherland
is a wool blanket    strewn with
empty wine glasses
and potato crisps

unopened absolution   jeweled eyes
fingers laced with forgiveness
and limbs tangled    in bodies
that are staring at the sky at night

never understanding
that    the stars are watching you
more than    you are
watching     them

Logan February is a happy-ish Nigerian owl who likes pizza & typewriters. His work has appeared in Vagabond City, Barking Sycamores, Emboss Magazine, and more. His book, Yellow Soul (April Gloaming Publishing) & a currently untitled chapbook (Indolent Books) is forthcoming in 2017. Say hello on Instagram & Twitter @loganfebruary.

Category : Issue Four April 2017 Tags :

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